What am I gonna say? You make me feel this way.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarokatuh ~~

Hi semuaaaa. Happy Chinese New Year to all those yang celebrate it! Haaa. Kalau aku update belog adalah tu cerita yang terbuku di kalbu kan. tiada tempat mau cerita. hmm. cerita di sini seja lahh. The truth is I feel sad. huaaa TnT

Ada lelaki yang aku suka tuu. Hmm. Nda tau macam mana mau cerita baa. Astagaaaa. Hahaha. Maluu. Aku telebih perasan kot. Kami ada ber wasap2 baru baru ne. Asal wasap sama dia konfem aku akan guling2 ketawa. Hahahaha. Ahh that feeling! Sementara sejaa. Dia baik baa. Tapi aku kot yang over react over response sampai dia mungkin terannoyed dengan perangai ku. Besides, aku tahu taste nya tinggi. Tinggi gila sebab dia pun memang bukan sembarangan punya orang. I thought that he love me too ba actually. Tapi macam tidak seja tu. Hahaha. Aku seja ne yang perasan. Hmm sedih nyaa. I tabouleh laa kalau tengok nama nya di wasap, terus rasa mau wasap dia. Tapi  sumpah aku rasa aku mengganggu dia kalau aq wasap dia. Aku nda tau kenapa aku bole berperasaan begitu. Mungkin sebab memang aku ne mengacau dia. Tapi dia perna cakap juga kacau seja. Dia punya hp pun sunyi seja selalu. Tapi bila aku wasap dia, aku pla yang rasa nda selesa. Apa kah? Huuu. Love is so complicated!

Tapi nda apa lah. Sempat aku rasa fall in love balik sekejap. Sekejap! It’s okay you. Aku nda akan teruskan ne perasaan cos maybe you want someone else in your life. And it is not me. Let me teruskan ja kehidupan ne sebagai orang yang single mingle smigel hahahahaha. After almost a year. Fuhh. Aku pun nda sedar juga. Tik tok tik tok hampir setahun suda gua menyingle. Wuaaaa *clap hand* hahahaha. Cerita lama jangan di kenang. Aku sudah move on! Walaupun semalam aku nampak diorang dating. Hahahaha. I don’t actually nampak diorang laa. Tapi tertengok keretanya seja. Pedulik eh! Hahahaha. Lantak kamu lah sana. Afa afa fun dari kita saja ba ituuu. Wuhuuu. F this feeling. Aaaaahh. Nda suka nya aku begini.

Aku tau laa aku manusia biasa juga. Manusiaa. Yang boleh sukak orang, jatuh cinta, getting hurt whatsoever. But I surely will get up back whenever I fall down. Macam sekarang ne lah. Masi berusaha untuk cari semangat balik. Should I just forget about him? Unfollow everything? Or how? Aaaa. I can’t even think about what I am supposed to do! Love is so confusing. Aaaahh. Meroyan aku di buat nya. Tidaaaaakkk! Aku mau unfollow tapi nda sanggup. Aku mau dia! Hahaha. Hey wake up wake up ayu! Wake up Fiona! Dia tidak mahu kau. Hahahahaha. Okay foine -.-‘

Okay setakat itu sahaja curhat saya. Goodbye. Have a nice day. Oh ya. Happy Chinese New Year :D

Bertekad cemerlang :D

Assalamualaikum guys :D

Fuhh. Baru selesai siapkan esaimen. Rasa best. Setelah 5 semester. Ini kali la aku rasa betul2 bersemangat mau buat esaimen. Hahahaha. Macam tipu ja kan. Tapi macam betul la juga. Sebab aku pun nda tau laa. Hahaha. Aku mau betul kasi naik pointer ku. Sangat2 mau. Aku tau aku boleh. AKU BOLEH! Tapi selama ne aku buat apa? Sukaaaa tangguh2 kerja. Nda belajar betul2. Bemain sejaaa. Nda perna suda buat latihan. Buat homework pun tiru orang kadang kadang. Kalau mau quiz or test or exam. Esok hari kejadian, satu malam sebelum tu baru mau buka buku. Ehh. Sangat tidak bagus. Sangat tidak menjanjikan pointer yang bagus. 

So form now onwards. Beberapa minggu sebelum final exam ne. aku mau start study suda betul2. BETUL BETUL yaa bukan pura pura. Hahaha. Ini kali lah aku mau study awal. Kalau sem sebelum ne. memang awal sem tu aku cakap lah kan aku mau belajar awal. Tup tupp. Sama juga. Always study at the last laaast minute. Erghhh. Cannot be this time. Cannot! I must study earlier. MUST. Haaa. Gituu. inshaaAllah. Doa kan saya yaa kawan2. Hahaha. Saya mau ba betul2 tu dekan. Kalau possible mau first class. Kasi bangga ummie sama abah. Memang lah orang cakap pointer tinggi nda semestinya itu lah ini lah. Tapi kan emm. Suka hati aku lah kan mau aim pointer berapa sekali pun. Hahaha. 

inshaaAllah I will be more deteremine from this moment. See? Now. I just finished doing my 2 assignments. Terus rasa ringan. Rasa lega. Rasa puas sebab dapat siapkan esaimen awal. Mudah mudahan laa semua ne boleh berterusan. Istiqomah. InshaaAllah. Best nya study! Best nya be positive! I like to be like this. Full of positive aura. Haaa gituu. Hahahaha. inshaaAllah boleh jadi role model ngan adik2 ku yang tersayang sekalian. I ada empat orang adik uols. Haa. Mau tak mau jadi a good role model. Mesti lah perlu kan. Selain itu, ehhh. Macam buat esaimen pulak dah luahan perasaan kali ne. hahaha. I think that’s all. Saja nak update blog. Bagi bakar lagi semangat nak study for the exam. inshaAllah. 

Dengan izin Allah. Mudah2an pointer saya meletops sem ne dan sem sem akan datang. Aminnnnn :D

lots of love from me :*

Everything will be fine :)

WHY?

CAUTION! This entry might contain harsh word due to the unstable feeling of the writer. Thank you.

Assalamualaikum dan salam satu Malaysia.

Hahahaha. Okay. I wanna ask. Why do you come back here again after I decided to put you aside? Why? That is the first one. 

Secondly. Why do you come back again and go again and come again and disappear again? Why? This is seriously and totally madness for me. I’m the one who going to be mad. Ohmai. I’m so stress !!! please don’t give me that kind of hope. Please I beg you. Yes, to be true I really in to you. That doesn’t mean you can treat me suka hati kau jaa. I’m a human being. Of course I strongly don’t want to put any hope in our relay anymore. But I’m only a human being. The feel of hope is still here. In my heart. Even my minds deny it. like soooo much I really don’t want it. but my heart still hoping. Hoping for us to be like the old time. 

Thirdly, why do you treat me like that? Why do you treat me like we were used to be when we still in relay? What the f*uck with all of this drama that you made? Are trying to play a “game” on me? Please boy. Enough. I’m hurt enough. Please don’t hurt me more. I think I can’t bear it anymore. I’m so fed up with this entire thing. I feel like ‘I AM THE DUMBEST HUMAN EVER ON EARTH”!!! for still hoping a guy like you. Don’t you have any sense of humor? Hello? I’m your ex-girlfriend okay. You don’t need to treat me like I’m still your girl anymore. I’m not. And me? The dumbest human ever. I don’t know how to say about this anymore.  Why? Kenapa? Why I still hoping? Arghhhhh :’( ohmaii. I can’t. I can’t live like this or else I’m gonna get crazy. Seriously. Almost every day since he approach me back, I got headache. Keep on thinking about our relay. Why he come again after so much month he doesn’t contact me at all. At all !! then suddenly he come and acting like nothing happen. Ya Allah I beg you, make me forget all this feeling towards him. I really want my old life back. F*uck this feeling ! I hate it to be hurt. 

Last but not least. WHY? Why the guy that I love hurt me the most? WHY?

*crying*

I think...I just think...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarokatuh ~

Hello Sunday! Yes. Just saying. Banyak yang tersimpan dalam kepala hotak and yet perlu untuk ditulis dalam sini. Firstly, a man shouldn’t be too harsh on women because they got soft heart actually. Even they may be seem a lil harsh outside. But believe me, when it comes to inside. It is so soft so gent what so ever. Ehh. Hahahaha. Yes but it’s true. Aku pernah mengalaminya sendiri. Lelaki tu ingat aku ne nda sensentap (sensitif+sentap) ka? Hahaha. I do feel sensitive juga ba. Tapi tu lah. Your action make me don’t want to be so close as before anymore. Because you hurt me. Ehh. Hahaha. Not that hurt la actually. Maybe I can forget it by the mean of time. Lol. Just don’t be too harsh on me okay. But in other view, I think the women also harsh ba juga sometimes. I’ve experienced it too. But this time, the man is the one who have soft hearted. Hahaha. Actually it was me yang buat that guy merajuk. Tacing! Hahahaha. I didn’t mean it actually. But he terasa with my words. I do it repeatedly until he can’t bear it. I feel sorry and funny at same time. I was just jokes around with him but I never know that guy also can get touch so easily like that. After almost three days only then he forgave me after I apologize 3 times from him. Nasib baik dia maafkan. Kalau tidak, putus kawanlah jawab nya. Hahahaha. Evil me huh? Miahahaha *evil laugh*

Another confession or opinion from my view is I think I don’t trust man love anymore. I think most of it is trash. Hahaha. They only know and sooooo professional in expressing sweet word. Most of them is a sweet talker only. Ya. Maybe my confession sounds so stereotype but this is my opinion. I don’t trust man’s love for now. As I had experience before, they only know to say that “I can’t live without you” and so on so forth. But actually they didn’t mean it pun. I told you because I have gone through that so-called sweet moment. Puikk! Hahahaha. I prefer just to be friends with the guys. So that they don’t hurt me like the old ancient time hurt me. Hahahaha. Its hurt you know. Like the sword swung on your heart soooo many times. How you gonna heal that? Tell me. Hahaha. Just let the times heal the pains. We all deserve to be happy. Don’t torture yourself to wait for someone who doesn’t want you. They all trash. They maybe didn’t even see how much effort that you had put on just to be with them. Wahh. Kejam gila aku cakap men ne trash. Hahaha. It is not all of the man la kan. Some of them is good, some of them is bad and some of them is separuh2. That’s life. You just need to be clever enough to find someone who suits you the most. They don’t need to be perfect because no one is perfect. Learn to love someone like All of Me by John Legend song. “Love your curve and all your edges, all your perfect imperfection”. Wahh gitu! Hahaha. In short, all people are the same. Have good and bad side. Be wise in choosing your life partner. Hmmm. Macam pro ja aku becakap dari tadi kan. Hahahaha. Till we met again in the next entry. Have a nice sunny Sunday day ! hahh panjang jela2 engkau. hahaha. Minta maaf kepada sesiapa yang terasa dengan entry ne. I'm so sorry. This is just my own opinion and thanks for reading fellas. 

Xoxo :D

i've reach the maximum point.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Hi semua! Mari kita happy happy kali ni. Jangan sedih sedih lagi. No no no. kenot kenot kenot. Who else yang mahu naikkan semangat kita yang down teramat tu balik. Kalau bukan diri kita sendiri. Its all start from diri kita sendiri juga. Terima kasih kepada semua girl friends dan boy friends yang membuka mata ne. Terima kasih banyak-banyak. After banyak benda benda yang bangang abadi lah bilang orang. Aku sudah buat last few weeks disebabkan oleh seteghes yang high level. Kaw kaw punya. Haha. Now we need to change that. Suntik semangat baru dalam diri. Lupa kan apa yang patut. Buang apa yang perlu. Teruskan hidup. Banyak lagi cabaran lain yang menunggu. Better ambik cabaran yang membawa kebaikan untuk diri sendiri daripada menunggu orang yang tidak kunjung tiba untuk di tunggu selama hari ini. Mungkin memang bukan jodoh. Harap-harap lah begitu. Sebab aku malas sudah mau tunggu. Tunggu tu penat. Aku penat dan aku terseksa dan aku cukup menyeksa diri dan perasaan aku sendiri. Alolo kesian diri ku. Miahahaha. Kesiankan diri sendiri. Nguekss. Biarkan lah dia dengan labu-labunya.

 Ya Allah yang Maha Esa, bantu aku ya Allah. Bantu aku untuk terus kuat menjalani kehidupan ku yang ke hadapan. Aku tahu semua yang jadi ini pasti ada hikmah di sebaliknya. Engkau lah sebaik-baik perancang ya Allah. Terima kasih atas dugaan ini ya Allah. Ya Allah, terus berikan aku kekuatan ya Allah sebab aku rasa lemah sekali. Lemah sekali. Lemah sekali. Bantu aku ya Allah. Amin amin yarobbal alamin.

Yeah, doa itu perlu. Amat amat perlu. Time susah, doa. Time senang, pun doa. Jangan time susah ja berdoa. Time senang lupa. Bahaya tu bos ku! Aku harap la mulai hari esok. Eh salah. Mulai saat ini. Aku boleh lupakan dia. Dia nda pernah pun mau muncul dalam hidupku. Ahhh! Sudahlah. The more we cakap cakap pasal dia. Tambah susah la aku mau lupa tu kan. Aihh bengong. Nampak tak kebengongan nya di situ? Balik balik mau cakap pasal dia. Malar jok! Haha. Oke. Mulai saat ini. Jangan cakap pasal dia lagi. Kalau teringat tu apa boleh buat la. Yang penting jangan cakap pasal dia. Semakin kita cakap. Semakin lah jugak kita susah mau lupakan dia. Betul kan? Haa. Babai lah kau sana. Babai babai babai! Zipp mulut. Jangan cakap. Sshhh. Enough. Hahahaha. Start suda sot-sot. Masuk air suda. Hahahahaha. Oke lahh. Babai lah jugak uols. Stay tuned ! love ya :D

i want to add a lil bit more. 

h-axis = level of willingness

d-axis = time taken for waiting

khas kepada sesiapa yang kurang jelas lagi. berikut merupakan graf yang sesuai digunakan untuk describe my tahap kesanggupan untuk menunggu. hahaha. ada juga point maximum di mana badan ini tepu (saturated) sudah, dalam bahasa kasarnya, muak sudah mau menunggu. hope this graph can help you guys to understand my current situation. miahahaha. and i have reach the maximum point. xoxo. tataaaa :*

My end of love story

Firstly, this blog is not as cheerful as before anymore. I'm sorry. I don’t really know how to express this feeling. But I have to. After all time I hold it in myself. I really felt the burden now. He doesn’t care about me anymore. This time he really really really don’t show any types or any signs that he still care about me. Nothing at all. I can see it because I daily stalk on his twitter account. Day after day, I feels like he is going far far from me. And close close to this one girl. But I don’t want to mention about her. What is important here is he really don’t care about me anymore. While I myself, every single day I willing to stalk to his twitter account with intention to actually know whether he is doing fine with his life or what. Even he makes his account private, but I still look into an effort to see his twitter account. Haha. Pathetic isn’t it?

I’ve tried to ask him three times to accept me back. But sadly, he rejected me for that three times. Maybe he really really really don’t love me anymore and I need to conscious about it. Yes, I admit it here. It’s me that act like a crazy girl for chasing after him even we already break up for almost 5 months. I don’t want to show off or what-so-ever but there are many guys who came after me and ask me about this sort of things called love. Love love love. Sadly for those guys, I really can’t accept you guys at this moment. My feeling is still strong for him.

Now I really hope that my feeling can change for him. Even if it is have to be slowly. I really really hope it will fade along with the time pass. There is no more point for me to remember him as he doesn’t remember me. I strongly can’t even look at him for these 5 months. Because if I do so. I feel the pain. I don’t know what about him. But for me yes. Sometimes, I really can’t bear it. I will go for a ride by myself if I feel really down or in other words, if I really miss him. I would even cry for the whole night until I get into my dream world because missing him like so much. I wonder if he felt the same way as I do. But I think it is too far for now. His friends said that he attracted to this one girl. I don’t know who she is. But his friends told me that he once saw his wallpaper screen is occupied with a girl picture. And I don’t know who. But obviously that girl wasn’t me. And the worst thing when I felt stress is I tend to think that I’m going to have a cigarette. Isn’t that too much for a girl like me? But yes I do feel so. We’re also break up because of this cigarette thingy. He started to smoking again while we still in relationship and I don’t like it and I ask a break up from him shortly. Then, without think for the long time period effects, so now this is it. I can’t forget him until today because I really love him. Even more than myself. I can bet you that no one will ever love him like I did. Is it my entire fault to say those words to him at the black worst day? I do ask him to not to smoke. Tolerate with him. But he told me that it is his own choice to start smoking again. No one ask him to do that. I really sad and disappointed that time. Oh my god. How pathetic my love story is. Just because of the cigarette and our love can’t be continue as we wish. We have so many plans to do together in the future. And it is all ruins in one night. One night! I really feel ohh I don’t know how to describe it with words. Too hurt to be felt. Too much love for him that lastly makes me feel the pains. I’m not put the blame 100% on him about this decision that I’ve made that day. It is also about me that make things too rush. I didn’t think wisely that time. I follow my fool anger. It was my mistakes. Totally.

My friend always told me that I will find someone better than him. I know. I admit it. but yet I still can’t get over him. I’ve tried many times to convince myself. Forget about him. Forget about him. But at the end of the day, I can’t. I will think about him again and again. Everyday! Not even one day I didn’t think about him after 5 months we’ve clashed.  He never even try to approach me back. Want to meet me or text me or call me. Not even once. I guess he have ego as high as the Mount of Everest. Or maybe even higher than the mountain.  Or maybe he really doesn’t want to be with me again. He really don’t want. I am nightmare for him maybe. So pathetic. From now onwards, I would really like to try. This time I’ll try harder to forget my feeling towards him because he now admiring another girl. Love to socialize in the social networking with the girl. Even the girls is one of my friends. But she also looks like happy for doing that. Then yes, I will try my really best to forget him. Even we were in the same university. The worst part. Same university.

I still remember the quotes that I think suitable for us the previous day. “Meeting you was a fate. Being your friend was a choice. But falling in love with you is beyond my control”. Now it’s all gone.

I have lost my other half :'(

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarokatuh

Hati yang bersedih. Hati yang kesepian. Hati yang hancur. Hati yang memerlukan. Hati yang menanti sebuah cinta. Hati yang meronta. yaa. Itu hati aku sekarang. Apa yang aku buat sekarang hanya menanti. Menanti dia untuk terima aku balik. Perlu masa dan ketenangan katanya. Aku cuma minta satu peluang. Aku mengaku aku salah sebab terburu-buru buat keputusan. Aku menyesal to the max and wanna be with you lagi. tapi kau macam nda mahu suda sama aku lagi. Aku tengok kau bahagia dengan kawan-kawan mu. alhamdulillah. tapi aku terseksa sebab kau tiada lagi di sisi. aku redha. aku masih menanti mu dengan kesabaran. asal kau tidak berubah hati. kadangkala aku rasa malas mahu tunggu. kau gembira di samping kawan-kawan mu. tanpa aku. dan itu membuat aku lebih sedih dan sedih dan sedih. kalau orang mau cakap aku ne bodoh. memang aku bodoh. gara-gara masalah ni aku nda lalu mahu makan. diri sendiri pun nda teratur. study nda boleh fokus. sebab apa? sebab aku rindu kau. setiap masa setiap waktu aku rindu kau. semua yang ada di depan mata ku buat aku teringat dengan kau. dan finally buat aku lagi sakit. hari ni hari ke tujuh aku cuba tahan diri ku daripada mesej kau. betapa aku mahu bagitahu kau setiap hari yang aku sayang kau. aku rindu kau. tapi aku tahan. sebab kau cakap kau mahu kan ketenangan. kau cakap kau terasa terkongkong. mesti sekarang kau rasa lebih bebas kan. kalau bebas mesti happy kan. tiada suda yang mahu ikut kau pegi mana-mana. tiada suda orang sibuk-sibuk mahu pegi tengok kau main futsal. tidak perlu memujuk aku yang kuat merajuk. tidak perlu buang tenaga mahu cari aku untuk jumpa aku. hmm. apa-apa pun. kau cakap kita kawan kan. iya lah. kita kawan. thankyou my dear friend. i miss you so much friend :'(

Perasaan ini.

assalamualaikumwarahmatullahi wabarokatuh ~

aku rasa mau updet. so aku updet. biasa la. kalau aku updet belog ne. ada la yang aku mahu ceritakan dan lauhkan kan. biasa laa. # tiada tempat mengadu. seperti burung kepatahan sayaaapp. punya song. haha.

aku rindu bha ne mau hangout sama konco berat ku sebenarnya. rindu aku mahu bergila-gila dengan dorang. kawan zaman matriks. yang memang tidak dapat la aku lupa. semua kenangan gila sama-sama. aiyerr. haha. sunyi bha aku rasa di UMS ne. tiada la sapa-sapa yang betul-betuuuull sakit kepala dengan aku. my bff Maharani puun nun jauh d sandakan. bosan oke. aduiyaii. jeles aq sama si Maha. collague nya semuaaa best. sama gila mcm dia. haha. kalau sama mcam dia. sama mcm aku jugak lah kan. haha. masuk tiun jugak aku kalau hangout dgn collague si Maha di Sandakan sana. haha. best nya time diorang pegi KK sini. baru la aku rasa ada kawan. kalau sekarang ne. konco ku di UMS KK ne pun. macam nda da suda mau contact2 aku. rasa amat2 terkilan jugak laa. padahal dulu kami rapat sangat3 ! huu. sabar jak laa. banyak sebenar nya yang aku mahu cerita ne. tentang kesunyian dan kesepian ku selama berada di UMS. sudah la aku tidur d bilik sendiri. with no roomate. macam mau naik gila aku setiap hari. haha.aku ndak boleh laa kalau ndak cakap banyak2. if the time come bila aq sendiri suda di bilik. naaa. mula la aku rasa macam orang gila tu. aduhh. sampai bila la begini ni. harap-harap la sekejap jak.

and the latest new hot setory is. my handphone hilang semalam. has been taken by i dont know who. aiyerr. bertambah-tambah la hidup ku ne macam gilaa. with no calling. no texting. no palying game. no alarm clock lagi in the morning time. waaa. what a though life i've gone through nowadays kan uols? haha. dengan boyfriend pun jauh nun d Perlis sana. bersabar saja laaa. itu saja la yang mampu aku buat sekarang ne. huu. memang zaman sekarang ne. jadi though life kalau tiada handphone di sisi. kalau zaman dulu-dulu. though life diorang pegi sawah padi laa. naa. jauh sangat beza dgn skrg kan.

oke laa. gtg. bye. love ya :)

Agak emo di situ yaa

Fact. Sekarang ne. Aku mesti terima kenyataan. Terima hakikat. Yang aku ne sudah jadi girlfriend orang. Aku tidak lagi bebas macam dulu. Boleh jalan dengan geng2 ku especially the boys friends. Aku kena jaga hati boyfriend aku. Sebab apa. Aku sayang boyfriend aku. I'm the one who need to change. Titik.