i've reach the maximum point.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Hi semua! Mari kita happy happy kali ni. Jangan sedih sedih lagi. No no no. kenot kenot kenot. Who else yang mahu naikkan semangat kita yang down teramat tu balik. Kalau bukan diri kita sendiri. Its all start from diri kita sendiri juga. Terima kasih kepada semua girl friends dan boy friends yang membuka mata ne. Terima kasih banyak-banyak. After banyak benda benda yang bangang abadi lah bilang orang. Aku sudah buat last few weeks disebabkan oleh seteghes yang high level. Kaw kaw punya. Haha. Now we need to change that. Suntik semangat baru dalam diri. Lupa kan apa yang patut. Buang apa yang perlu. Teruskan hidup. Banyak lagi cabaran lain yang menunggu. Better ambik cabaran yang membawa kebaikan untuk diri sendiri daripada menunggu orang yang tidak kunjung tiba untuk di tunggu selama hari ini. Mungkin memang bukan jodoh. Harap-harap lah begitu. Sebab aku malas sudah mau tunggu. Tunggu tu penat. Aku penat dan aku terseksa dan aku cukup menyeksa diri dan perasaan aku sendiri. Alolo kesian diri ku. Miahahaha. Kesiankan diri sendiri. Nguekss. Biarkan lah dia dengan labu-labunya.

 Ya Allah yang Maha Esa, bantu aku ya Allah. Bantu aku untuk terus kuat menjalani kehidupan ku yang ke hadapan. Aku tahu semua yang jadi ini pasti ada hikmah di sebaliknya. Engkau lah sebaik-baik perancang ya Allah. Terima kasih atas dugaan ini ya Allah. Ya Allah, terus berikan aku kekuatan ya Allah sebab aku rasa lemah sekali. Lemah sekali. Lemah sekali. Bantu aku ya Allah. Amin amin yarobbal alamin.

Yeah, doa itu perlu. Amat amat perlu. Time susah, doa. Time senang, pun doa. Jangan time susah ja berdoa. Time senang lupa. Bahaya tu bos ku! Aku harap la mulai hari esok. Eh salah. Mulai saat ini. Aku boleh lupakan dia. Dia nda pernah pun mau muncul dalam hidupku. Ahhh! Sudahlah. The more we cakap cakap pasal dia. Tambah susah la aku mau lupa tu kan. Aihh bengong. Nampak tak kebengongan nya di situ? Balik balik mau cakap pasal dia. Malar jok! Haha. Oke. Mulai saat ini. Jangan cakap pasal dia lagi. Kalau teringat tu apa boleh buat la. Yang penting jangan cakap pasal dia. Semakin kita cakap. Semakin lah jugak kita susah mau lupakan dia. Betul kan? Haa. Babai lah kau sana. Babai babai babai! Zipp mulut. Jangan cakap. Sshhh. Enough. Hahahaha. Start suda sot-sot. Masuk air suda. Hahahahaha. Oke lahh. Babai lah jugak uols. Stay tuned ! love ya :D

i want to add a lil bit more. 

h-axis = level of willingness

d-axis = time taken for waiting

khas kepada sesiapa yang kurang jelas lagi. berikut merupakan graf yang sesuai digunakan untuk describe my tahap kesanggupan untuk menunggu. hahaha. ada juga point maximum di mana badan ini tepu (saturated) sudah, dalam bahasa kasarnya, muak sudah mau menunggu. hope this graph can help you guys to understand my current situation. miahahaha. and i have reach the maximum point. xoxo. tataaaa :*

I feel a lil bit better

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Hi! Life goes on. Alhamdulillah Allah bagi peluang untuk bernafas lagi sampai saat ni. Syukur sangat sangat. Allah bagi kekuatan untuk teruskan kehidupan yang fantastic ne. Banyak benda lagi yang perlu difokuskan berbanding kita memikirkan something yang bagi impak negatif untuk diri kita. Haha. Ya. Macam lah juga aku ni. InshaaAllah dengan izin Allah aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk tidak fikir hal tu lagi. 

Orang kata, kalau kita keep on talking about that thing. That means we still care about it. I do still care about 'it'. But I think I can control myself from being too sad about it. Alhamdulillah. I never stalk or in other word 'do intensive research' about that guy anymore (pinjam ayat si Anwar). Haha. It makes me feel better to be better off without him. Less sad. I spent a lot of my time with my friends. We always jalan jalan like so much ! Haha. Pokoknya enjoy ja bilang orang. Kalau penat jalan.Then I'll go to bed and then continue to jalan jalan back. I do join lots of program. 

Its really help me to forget him. Not totally but like I said in the prev entry. Slowly. Ya. Big things consume times and I'll keep trying. I surely can live even without him. Its all about me from now onwards. No more about him. and yeah I will try my best to avoid him. Haha. Maybe you will judge me on this. To avoid him but that's me. I think I just can't if see him. Even his shadow. Haha. I feel hurt. So I think it will be the best if I not see him. Last but not least, I AM STRONG. Till we met again on my next entry. Live well everybody! Chiao :D

My end of love story

Firstly, this blog is not as cheerful as before anymore. I'm sorry. I don’t really know how to express this feeling. But I have to. After all time I hold it in myself. I really felt the burden now. He doesn’t care about me anymore. This time he really really really don’t show any types or any signs that he still care about me. Nothing at all. I can see it because I daily stalk on his twitter account. Day after day, I feels like he is going far far from me. And close close to this one girl. But I don’t want to mention about her. What is important here is he really don’t care about me anymore. While I myself, every single day I willing to stalk to his twitter account with intention to actually know whether he is doing fine with his life or what. Even he makes his account private, but I still look into an effort to see his twitter account. Haha. Pathetic isn’t it?

I’ve tried to ask him three times to accept me back. But sadly, he rejected me for that three times. Maybe he really really really don’t love me anymore and I need to conscious about it. Yes, I admit it here. It’s me that act like a crazy girl for chasing after him even we already break up for almost 5 months. I don’t want to show off or what-so-ever but there are many guys who came after me and ask me about this sort of things called love. Love love love. Sadly for those guys, I really can’t accept you guys at this moment. My feeling is still strong for him.

Now I really hope that my feeling can change for him. Even if it is have to be slowly. I really really hope it will fade along with the time pass. There is no more point for me to remember him as he doesn’t remember me. I strongly can’t even look at him for these 5 months. Because if I do so. I feel the pain. I don’t know what about him. But for me yes. Sometimes, I really can’t bear it. I will go for a ride by myself if I feel really down or in other words, if I really miss him. I would even cry for the whole night until I get into my dream world because missing him like so much. I wonder if he felt the same way as I do. But I think it is too far for now. His friends said that he attracted to this one girl. I don’t know who she is. But his friends told me that he once saw his wallpaper screen is occupied with a girl picture. And I don’t know who. But obviously that girl wasn’t me. And the worst thing when I felt stress is I tend to think that I’m going to have a cigarette. Isn’t that too much for a girl like me? But yes I do feel so. We’re also break up because of this cigarette thingy. He started to smoking again while we still in relationship and I don’t like it and I ask a break up from him shortly. Then, without think for the long time period effects, so now this is it. I can’t forget him until today because I really love him. Even more than myself. I can bet you that no one will ever love him like I did. Is it my entire fault to say those words to him at the black worst day? I do ask him to not to smoke. Tolerate with him. But he told me that it is his own choice to start smoking again. No one ask him to do that. I really sad and disappointed that time. Oh my god. How pathetic my love story is. Just because of the cigarette and our love can’t be continue as we wish. We have so many plans to do together in the future. And it is all ruins in one night. One night! I really feel ohh I don’t know how to describe it with words. Too hurt to be felt. Too much love for him that lastly makes me feel the pains. I’m not put the blame 100% on him about this decision that I’ve made that day. It is also about me that make things too rush. I didn’t think wisely that time. I follow my fool anger. It was my mistakes. Totally.

My friend always told me that I will find someone better than him. I know. I admit it. but yet I still can’t get over him. I’ve tried many times to convince myself. Forget about him. Forget about him. But at the end of the day, I can’t. I will think about him again and again. Everyday! Not even one day I didn’t think about him after 5 months we’ve clashed.  He never even try to approach me back. Want to meet me or text me or call me. Not even once. I guess he have ego as high as the Mount of Everest. Or maybe even higher than the mountain.  Or maybe he really doesn’t want to be with me again. He really don’t want. I am nightmare for him maybe. So pathetic. From now onwards, I would really like to try. This time I’ll try harder to forget my feeling towards him because he now admiring another girl. Love to socialize in the social networking with the girl. Even the girls is one of my friends. But she also looks like happy for doing that. Then yes, I will try my really best to forget him. Even we were in the same university. The worst part. Same university.

I still remember the quotes that I think suitable for us the previous day. “Meeting you was a fate. Being your friend was a choice. But falling in love with you is beyond my control”. Now it’s all gone.

another girl.

Dengan siapa lagi aku mahu mengadu ne. aku pun nda tau. mesti orang sekelilingku bosan dengar aku mengadu pasal benda yang sama ja tiap hari. aku nda tahan ohh mau sendiri. and the worst thing is I cannot focus on my study. why I love him this much ya? I feel like a dumb ohh. bukan lagi macam. memang laa bodoh ba. sudah ditinggalkan. tapi still put a hope. at the end aku juga yang sakit. aku juga yang nda dapat mau fokus. and one more thing. lagu-lagu yang aku dengar selama aku ditinggalkan ne pun punya lahhhhh bikin tambah sedih. kalau aku senarai kan satu-satu. nda abes ba. why he do this to me? I just asking for a chance. and now what? I know from my friends that he got another girl already. that soon? you can find a girl to replace me in your heart? memori kenangan kita setahun setengah tu ko buang di mana? buang macam mana? ajar aku juga please. aku pun mau lupakan semua tu. you turn my love to hate ba. I'm suffer ba ne. going through all days with the stone in my neck. tahan nangis whenever I miss you. I don't want to cry anymore ba. but why I still do the same thing? this is just too much for me. you dump me like I don't have perasaan langsung. enough till here. i just don't have that much strength anymore.

I have lost my other half :'(

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarokatuh

Hati yang bersedih. Hati yang kesepian. Hati yang hancur. Hati yang memerlukan. Hati yang menanti sebuah cinta. Hati yang meronta. yaa. Itu hati aku sekarang. Apa yang aku buat sekarang hanya menanti. Menanti dia untuk terima aku balik. Perlu masa dan ketenangan katanya. Aku cuma minta satu peluang. Aku mengaku aku salah sebab terburu-buru buat keputusan. Aku menyesal to the max and wanna be with you lagi. tapi kau macam nda mahu suda sama aku lagi. Aku tengok kau bahagia dengan kawan-kawan mu. alhamdulillah. tapi aku terseksa sebab kau tiada lagi di sisi. aku redha. aku masih menanti mu dengan kesabaran. asal kau tidak berubah hati. kadangkala aku rasa malas mahu tunggu. kau gembira di samping kawan-kawan mu. tanpa aku. dan itu membuat aku lebih sedih dan sedih dan sedih. kalau orang mau cakap aku ne bodoh. memang aku bodoh. gara-gara masalah ni aku nda lalu mahu makan. diri sendiri pun nda teratur. study nda boleh fokus. sebab apa? sebab aku rindu kau. setiap masa setiap waktu aku rindu kau. semua yang ada di depan mata ku buat aku teringat dengan kau. dan finally buat aku lagi sakit. hari ni hari ke tujuh aku cuba tahan diri ku daripada mesej kau. betapa aku mahu bagitahu kau setiap hari yang aku sayang kau. aku rindu kau. tapi aku tahan. sebab kau cakap kau mahu kan ketenangan. kau cakap kau terasa terkongkong. mesti sekarang kau rasa lebih bebas kan. kalau bebas mesti happy kan. tiada suda yang mahu ikut kau pegi mana-mana. tiada suda orang sibuk-sibuk mahu pegi tengok kau main futsal. tidak perlu memujuk aku yang kuat merajuk. tidak perlu buang tenaga mahu cari aku untuk jumpa aku. hmm. apa-apa pun. kau cakap kita kawan kan. iya lah. kita kawan. thankyou my dear friend. i miss you so much friend :'(

sepi.

Assalamualaikum.

Malam ne aku rasa sepi. Perasaan yang sama selama ne. Sepi. Biar pun orang lain nampak aku ne ramai kawan. Tapi in fact. Aku selalu ja rasa kesunyian. Nda da kawan yang "fix" macam orang lain. Aku jeles tengok orang lain. Ada geng. Ada kawan yang tetap. Selalu ada time susah. Time senang. Boleh di bawa lepak. Hmm. Aku nda da tempat curhat. So i write it here. Di blog saya. Ada boyfriend pun. Emm. Happy tu happy. Tapi pandai juga aku rasa sunyi. Especially time2 dia bz. D uni pun aku teda kawan ohh. Alahai sedih nya hidup ku ne. Hahaha. magsabal naa bilang bajau. I really cant stand this laa actually. Bila tiada kawan yang bole di bawa becerita. Kalau lagi aku sendiri2. Naaa. D situ laa. Pandai menetes itu air matasss. Sebab pikir nasib ku.hahaha.apa2 pun.aku tetap besyukur dengan apa yang aku ada. Redha jak la. Hehe. Thats all. Papai.

Much love from me.

-fazleeayu-

Hai :)

assalamualaikum and good evening everyone.

its now the time for me to tulis-tulis kisah hidup ku d blog ku di site ku semulaa. feels kind a miss  to write some jugak lah. lama suda nda tulis entry baru. kalau mau bilang behabuk. nda tau lah berapa tebal suda habuk belog ne. haha. sangat nda terurus suda kesiamm. 

hmm. seyesly memang best la bila ada blog. apa yang bikin best nya ne kan. boleh baca balik entry yang dulu2. then kita senyum2 sendiri. sengih2 sendiri. haha. then dalam hati pun cakap. "Oh, begini rupanya aku dulu-dulu". haha. like me la tu. tapi sayang nya. banyak suda ter'missed' memori2 yang best2. sebab malas update blog. haii lahai. kenapa lah malas. haha. time-time exam ne laa baru rajin baru gatal tangan mahu bukak belog. ehh. dah kenape an? haha.

lusa ada paper. final exam semester tiga. paper ke 4. Survey. di mana baru tadi petang saya donlod nota2 yang lecturer bagi. hahaha. and yet I still here buang masa. ndak la p belajar kan. esok malam ne baru kelam kabut. tengok la. haha. its okay. as long as kita faham apa yang di belajar tu. insyaAllah la boleh jugak kita meng"goreng" jawapan kita lusa nnt. hahaha. wish me luck.

haa. ini gambar. ada lah cerita nya kan. cerita nya berbunyi. pokok ne pokok nangka merangkap pokok angkat ku yang aku tanam time duuuuulu first2 masuk UMS. time orientasi. haha. and now saya tahun dua sudah ne. besar macam begini suda pokok ne. last time aku pegi tengok pegi melawat pokok ku ne. guess what. haha. pokok saya lagi tinggi dari saya sudaaaa. aaahh. so sweet kan kami. haha. lucu plak. sama pokok pun boleh jadi sweet. aku jaga pokok ne dari pendek paras bawah lutut sampai lah sikalangg. whaa. best nyaa ada pokok sendiri. this is my first one. and as for me, forester wanna-be. mesti la akan menanam lebih banyak pokok kann. tapi persoalan nya ialah. hidupkah pokok itu? hahahaha. aa-apa lah kan. janji ada okok sendiri sebijik. maka di jaga lah bagus2. hahaha.

suda cerita pasal exam, pasal pokok. nanti lah kalau ada masa lagi baru sambung cerita. aku cerita untuk kegunaan ku di masa hadapan. mau baca-baca balik time bosan. sekian terima kasih. haha

xoxo

D

*publish*

*ikut-ikut si Lisa Surihani* haha. padahal nama satu pun nda da huruf D. hahaha