29 September 2014

i've reach the maximum point.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Hi semua! Mari kita happy happy kali ni. Jangan sedih sedih lagi. No no no. kenot kenot kenot. Who else yang mahu naikkan semangat kita yang down teramat tu balik. Kalau bukan diri kita sendiri. Its all start from diri kita sendiri juga. Terima kasih kepada semua girl friends dan boy friends yang membuka mata ne. Terima kasih banyak-banyak. After banyak benda benda yang bangang abadi lah bilang orang. Aku sudah buat last few weeks disebabkan oleh seteghes yang high level. Kaw kaw punya. Haha. Now we need to change that. Suntik semangat baru dalam diri. Lupa kan apa yang patut. Buang apa yang perlu. Teruskan hidup. Banyak lagi cabaran lain yang menunggu. Better ambik cabaran yang membawa kebaikan untuk diri sendiri daripada menunggu orang yang tidak kunjung tiba untuk di tunggu selama hari ini. Mungkin memang bukan jodoh. Harap-harap lah begitu. Sebab aku malas sudah mau tunggu. Tunggu tu penat. Aku penat dan aku terseksa dan aku cukup menyeksa diri dan perasaan aku sendiri. Alolo kesian diri ku. Miahahaha. Kesiankan diri sendiri. Nguekss. Biarkan lah dia dengan labu-labunya.

 Ya Allah yang Maha Esa, bantu aku ya Allah. Bantu aku untuk terus kuat menjalani kehidupan ku yang ke hadapan. Aku tahu semua yang jadi ini pasti ada hikmah di sebaliknya. Engkau lah sebaik-baik perancang ya Allah. Terima kasih atas dugaan ini ya Allah. Ya Allah, terus berikan aku kekuatan ya Allah sebab aku rasa lemah sekali. Lemah sekali. Lemah sekali. Bantu aku ya Allah. Amin amin yarobbal alamin.

Yeah, doa itu perlu. Amat amat perlu. Time susah, doa. Time senang, pun doa. Jangan time susah ja berdoa. Time senang lupa. Bahaya tu bos ku! Aku harap la mulai hari esok. Eh salah. Mulai saat ini. Aku boleh lupakan dia. Dia nda pernah pun mau muncul dalam hidupku. Ahhh! Sudahlah. The more we cakap cakap pasal dia. Tambah susah la aku mau lupa tu kan. Aihh bengong. Nampak tak kebengongan nya di situ? Balik balik mau cakap pasal dia. Malar jok! Haha. Oke. Mulai saat ini. Jangan cakap pasal dia lagi. Kalau teringat tu apa boleh buat la. Yang penting jangan cakap pasal dia. Semakin kita cakap. Semakin lah jugak kita susah mau lupakan dia. Betul kan? Haa. Babai lah kau sana. Babai babai babai! Zipp mulut. Jangan cakap. Sshhh. Enough. Hahahaha. Start suda sot-sot. Masuk air suda. Hahahahaha. Oke lahh. Babai lah jugak uols. Stay tuned ! love ya :D

i want to add a lil bit more. 

h-axis = level of willingness
d-axis = time taken for waiting

khas kepada sesiapa yang kurang jelas lagi. berikut merupakan graf yang sesuai digunakan untuk describe my tahap kesanggupan untuk menunggu. hahaha. ada juga point maximum di mana badan ini tepu (saturated) sudah, dalam bahasa kasarnya, muak sudah mau menunggu. hope this graph can help you guys to understand my current situation. miahahaha. and i have reach the maximum point. xoxo. tataaaa :*

22 September 2014

I feel a lil bit better

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Hi! Life goes on. Alhamdulillah Allah bagi peluang untuk bernafas lagi sampai saat ni. Syukur sangat sangat. Allah bagi kekuatan untuk teruskan kehidupan yang fantastic ne. Banyak benda lagi yang perlu difokuskan berbanding kita memikirkan something yang bagi impak negatif untuk diri kita. Haha. Ya. Macam lah juga aku ni. InshaaAllah dengan izin Allah aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk tidak fikir hal tu lagi. 

Orang kata, kalau kita keep on talking about that thing. That means we still care about it. I do still care about 'it'. But I think I can control myself from being too sad about it. Alhamdulillah. I never stalk or in other word 'do intensive research' about that guy anymore (pinjam ayat si Anwar). Haha. It makes me feel better to be better off without him. Less sad. I spent a lot of my time with my friends. We always jalan jalan like so much ! Haha. Pokoknya enjoy ja bilang orang. Kalau penat jalan.Then I'll go to bed and then continue to jalan jalan back. I do join lots of program. 

Its really help me to forget him. Not totally but like I said in the prev entry. Slowly. Ya. Big things consume times and I'll keep trying. I surely can live even without him. Its all about me from now onwards. No more about him. and yeah I will try my best to avoid him. Haha. Maybe you will judge me on this. To avoid him but that's me. I think I just can't if see him. Even his shadow. Haha. I feel hurt. So I think it will be the best if I not see him. Last but not least, I AM STRONG. Till we met again on my next entry. Live well everybody! Chiao :D

16 September 2014

My end of love story

Firstly, this blog is not as cheerful as before anymore. I'm sorry. I don’t really know how to express this feeling. But I have to. After all time I hold it in myself. I really felt the burden now. He doesn’t care about me anymore. This time he really really really don’t show any types or any signs that he still care about me. Nothing at all. I can see it because I daily stalk on his twitter account. Day after day, I feels like he is going far far from me. And close close to this one girl. But I don’t want to mention about her. What is important here is he really don’t care about me anymore. While I myself, every single day I willing to stalk to his twitter account with intention to actually know whether he is doing fine with his life or what. Even he makes his account private, but I still look into an effort to see his twitter account. Haha. Pathetic isn’t it?

I’ve tried to ask him three times to accept me back. But sadly, he rejected me for that three times. Maybe he really really really don’t love me anymore and I need to conscious about it. Yes, I admit it here. It’s me that act like a crazy girl for chasing after him even we already break up for almost 5 months. I don’t want to show off or what-so-ever but there are many guys who came after me and ask me about this sort of things called love. Love love love. Sadly for those guys, I really can’t accept you guys at this moment. My feeling is still strong for him.

Now I really hope that my feeling can change for him. Even if it is have to be slowly. I really really hope it will fade along with the time pass. There is no more point for me to remember him as he doesn’t remember me. I strongly can’t even look at him for these 5 months. Because if I do so. I feel the pain. I don’t know what about him. But for me yes. Sometimes, I really can’t bear it. I will go for a ride by myself if I feel really down or in other words, if I really miss him. I would even cry for the whole night until I get into my dream world because missing him like so much. I wonder if he felt the same way as I do. But I think it is too far for now. His friends said that he attracted to this one girl. I don’t know who she is. But his friends told me that he once saw his wallpaper screen is occupied with a girl picture. And I don’t know who. But obviously that girl wasn’t me. And the worst thing when I felt stress is I tend to think that I’m going to have a cigarette. Isn’t that too much for a girl like me? But yes I do feel so. We’re also break up because of this cigarette thingy. He started to smoking again while we still in relationship and I don’t like it and I ask a break up from him shortly. Then, without think for the long time period effects, so now this is it. I can’t forget him until today because I really love him. Even more than myself. I can bet you that no one will ever love him like I did. Is it my entire fault to say those words to him at the black worst day? I do ask him to not to smoke. Tolerate with him. But he told me that it is his own choice to start smoking again. No one ask him to do that. I really sad and disappointed that time. Oh my god. How pathetic my love story is. Just because of the cigarette and our love can’t be continue as we wish. We have so many plans to do together in the future. And it is all ruins in one night. One night! I really feel ohh I don’t know how to describe it with words. Too hurt to be felt. Too much love for him that lastly makes me feel the pains. I’m not put the blame 100% on him about this decision that I’ve made that day. It is also about me that make things too rush. I didn’t think wisely that time. I follow my fool anger. It was my mistakes. Totally.

My friend always told me that I will find someone better than him. I know. I admit it. but yet I still can’t get over him. I’ve tried many times to convince myself. Forget about him. Forget about him. But at the end of the day, I can’t. I will think about him again and again. Everyday! Not even one day I didn’t think about him after 5 months we’ve clashed.  He never even try to approach me back. Want to meet me or text me or call me. Not even once. I guess he have ego as high as the Mount of Everest. Or maybe even higher than the mountain.  Or maybe he really doesn’t want to be with me again. He really don’t want. I am nightmare for him maybe. So pathetic. From now onwards, I would really like to try. This time I’ll try harder to forget my feeling towards him because he now admiring another girl. Love to socialize in the social networking with the girl. Even the girls is one of my friends. But she also looks like happy for doing that. Then yes, I will try my really best to forget him. Even we were in the same university. The worst part. Same university.

I still remember the quotes that I think suitable for us the previous day. “Meeting you was a fate. Being your friend was a choice. But falling in love with you is beyond my control”. Now it’s all gone.